All the Time in the World…
I find myself this morning with a few moments to myself, access to a computer and something on my mind. So join me, would you? I hope you don’t mind if I deviate from my usual blog formula today.
I’ve been hooked lately on this wildly popular show on the Discovery Channel called Deadliest Catch. It’s about hard-scrabble sailors who fish for crab on Alaska’s Bering Sea. Life is hard out there and metaphor is cold, wet, jarring reality. Storms can kill you out there.
The past couple of weeks the show has focused on the illness and death of one of the best loved skippers in the fleet: Phil Harris of the Cornelia Marie. Last night I was up till 1 am glued to the TV as they showed episode after episode focused on his life, his ship, his sons, his crew, his death. He died young, at the age of 53, this past January. His sons are young. Too young for this.
I watched as the footage rolled by–in one scene Josh, the eldest son, sits in a monochromatic box of a room with a doctor as all the words wash over him: “I tried for over an hour,” “we need to make a decision,” “we’ve done all we could do”–those kinds of words. Then all the questions come: who to call first, what arrangements to make, when will it all happen. They all come, all at once. I’ve been there.
My dad was a couple years older than Phil when he died. I’ve lost both my parents; my mother to a long, cruel, crippling illness at the age of 42, my father to a sudden, massive heart attack at 55. So I relate to Josh Harris’ experience; I’ve been in that room, heard all those words, was part of all those decisions and conversations. I’ve felt the shock, confusion; the in-the-moment race to get it all done, all the while muscling away, for the moment, the deep and gnawing sense that something is very, very wrong.
We are born, we stick around for a while, and we die. It happens, right? It’s the way of things. And yet there’s no getting used to it. Every time death surprises us. We just can’t imagine that this is the way things are, for everybody, all the time. At least I can’t.
I am not sure whether it’s different when people live long lives. Most of the people in my family have tended to die young. But even in the few cases where those I love have lived long, full lives, it still felt wrong, like there should have been more time. Unfinished.
After my dad died, I spend some time wondering whether I should just give up on God. I could never reject the idea of God entirely, I just wasn’t sure whether I still wanted anything to do with Him. After so much pain, I was just tired. You’ve been there, haven’t you?
God stayed with me, waited, and eventually, at the right time, reminded me of who I am. So I came back to Him.
And in the meantime, I came to realize why I couldn’t really give up on God. I can’t live without hope. If we really believe in God, if we trust God, we hope in God. And that hope, ultimately, is in the truth that someday, all that is very, very wrong will be made right, because we are loved. We are not forgotten. We are not alone.
I’ve spent much of my life already studying scripture, following God, holding on to my faith, my hope. It has been very hard. Why have I done this? Because of words like this: Reunion. Reconciliation. Resurrection. All things new and all the time in the world and beyond to enjoy them. Someday there will be something like a great banquet, and the people I have loved will be there; those I have lost and those who have lost me. We’ll finally be together. Relationship. All things new. Forever.
That’s what it all boils down to, at least to me. I grieve with the Harris boys. They’re too young for this. I pray for reunion for them, someday.
This post is not about who gets in and who doesn’t, who’s right and who’s wrong. I don’t know about that, beyond what I’ve read and believe from scripture. And it’s God’s decision anyway. So I’d rather not worry about it. All I know is, I’ve spent a lot of time questioning, raging, wondering, and searching. And to me, in the end, nothing makes sense without a loving God.
Technical Difficulties…
There are two reasons why I haven’t posted in a while:
1. My family and I just moved several hundred miles across the country. This means that I spend most of my time these days cleaning, unpacking, furniture shopping and trying to get my son to go to bed.
2. My laptop (also known as “Krista’s link to the outside world”) is mostly dead. I am sending it back to the manufacturer, hoping they have a chocolate-covered pill that will bring it back to life (and that they have one of those cool New York City yiddish accents). But until then, my posts will be sparse.
Enjoy your summer friends! I’ll be in touch soon…
Being Chosen…
“I know now that was the day I was picked and being picked is a beautiful thing. But I also know beautiful things are frightening. When something beautiful happens it’s sometimes like an amputation, like your heart is being cut out with a knife. You don’t ever think when you are in extreme pain that you are being saved, chosen, picked for relationship, set aside to be loved. You can never really believe pain. It’s almost always something beautiful transitioning to something better, the whole time masquerading as a tragedy.”
Don Miller’s dog, Lucy, is making a guest appearance on his blog for the next few days…this is her telling of the day Don took her home. She’s a very eloquent dog! Take a look at this sweet story and consider; have you ever been picked? What was it like? Scary? Exciting? Did you really want to be picked in the first place?
I think it’s like that sometimes with the life of faith in God. One day we realize what we’ve really gotten ourselves into and we wish we had never taken the red pill (to use a Matrix analogy). Pain surprises us–the pain of being chosen. And then after a while, God surprises us with the truth that we really are his Beloved. It’s a surprising journey. What has that journey been like for you?
I Am Second: Anne Rice
“I bought that to grow up one has to put aside God.”
Author Anne Rice tells her story of growing up, losing faith and finding it again after 38 years…
Loving Well…
Yet again, I’ve found a very thought-provoking post on Donald Miller’s blog. Have a look at it, then read 1 Corinthians 13:1-3…
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”
Have you known (without naming names or specifics here) people who professed the name of Christ, yet were not loving people? Have you been one of those people from time to time (oh, yes, I have)? How is it that we who are followers of Christ can carry his name into the world, and yet seem to be so unlike him?
Love well today, friends…
I Am Second…
Through a friend’s Facebook post, I came across this series of videos called “I Am Second.” This one features Tony Dungy. I’ll be posting these for the next little while…
How do you respond to disappointments in life? What is most important to you?
5 Father’s Day gift ideas that make a difference -
In honor of dads, I wanted to post this idea, for any who still need a little last minute inspiration. I’ve been hearing more and more about how people are choosing to give gifts to charities their family members or friends care about, rather than a traditional “gift”…here are a few gift ideas in that vein…
5 Father’s Day gift ideas that make a difference -.
Have a happy Father’s Day! Celebrate well the fathers in your life.
Wendell Berry on the Gulf Oil Spill…
Wendell Berry talks in his endearing, piercing way about the implications of the Gulf oil spill; the questions it raises about our consumption of resources and our very way of life. What are we to do? As Berry says, “the context is beginning to speak back to us.” What is it saying to you?
Watch the full episode. See more Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly.
Open Spaces Sacred Places | Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly
I have noticed over the years that in every place I have lived, I have found a sanctuary; a place where I, often without even realizing it, have built an altar of the heart. Whether it was the creek out behind my grandparents’ house in Ohio, Caumsett Park in Long Island, the cathedral cloisters in Durham, England where I went to school, or Wall Lake in South Dakota, I’ve found my own sacred spaces in each place. This article talks about some people who are creating intentional spaces for reflection and introspection in the midst of crowded urban settings.
Open Spaces Sacred Places | Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly.
Think about it; what have been sacred places for you? Why were they important to you?
Wheelchair-bound musician reinvents the drum – CNN.com
“If people want to know how to build their own triggers, then, by golly, they can just contact me,” he said. “I’ll give them the information for free. Encouragement shouldn’t come at a price.”
via Wheelchair-bound musician reinvents the drum – CNN.com.
Encouragement shouldn’t come at a price. Jason Gerling is an inspirational guy who has found a way to do what he loves. Read about his story, about how he has encouraged others, and discuss! Have you heard a story like this? Have you written a story like this in your own life? Let’s celebrate it!
